The Katywompus Journal Observing Life's Little Quirks by Diane Moody |
|
Entry #31: Too Many Buns!
In one of my all-time favorite movies, Steve Martin plays the lead role of George Banks in the 1991 remake of Father of the Bride. In one of the most memorable scenes, George is losing his grip because of escalating costs for his daughter's wedding. At a grocery store, we find him ripping open packages of hot dog buns. When a store employee asks what he's doing, he replies: GEORGE: I'll tell you what I'm doing. I want to buy eight hot dogs and eight hot dog buns to go with them. But no one sells eight hot dog buns. They only sell twelve hot dog buns. So I end up paying for four buns I don't need. So I am removing the superfluous buns. STOCK BOY: I'm sorry, sir. But you're going to have to pay for all twelve buns. They're not marked individually. GEORGE: Yeah. And you want to know why? Because some big-shot over at the wiener company got together with some big-shot over at the bun company and decided to rip off the American public. Because they think the American public is a bunch of trusting nit-wits who will pay for everything they don't' need rather than make a stink! MANAGER: Get me security. The stunt lands George in jail. I love that scene because we've all known that same excruciating frustration about things that just don't make sense. If you've ever done any wallpapering, you know exactly what I mean. The industry prices its wallpaper in single rolls, but they are sold only in double rolls. In other words, double the price on the roll because there is no such thing as a single roll. Huh? Or how about the last time you tried to replace a headlight on your car. You get home with the replacement bulb only to discover it has screws that require a specialty screwdriver. You will never need this screwdriver for anything else since most cars give up the ghost before the headlights go out. Doesn't matter! Now you must drive back across town to the auto parts store to purchase this specialty screwdriver at a specialty price. Talk about screws! My husband loves jelly beans. It's his only vice and a pretty harmless one at that. He doesn't pay top dollar for those fussy gourmet jelly beans, but he can tell you what stores sell the best tasting jelly beans and where the best deals are. The only problem? He cannot stand licorice jelly beans. He's not alone. Most jelly bean aficionados toss out the nasty black ones in the mix. So how hard could it be for distributors to offer bags of jelly beans sans licorice? And then there's the smoking vs. non-smoking sections in restaurants. The smoking section is 3/4 empty, but as you prefer to eat your meal in clean air, you must wait half an hour for a table in the non-smoking section. You are finally seated only to discover you are separated from that smoking section by a mere brick planter without so much as a dividing wall or Plexiglas window. As if the smoke will somehow stay on the other side? Sure it will. For those who enjoy cooking, recipes can drive you crazy. Like those that call for a 15-ounce can of something that only comes in 12-ounce cans. Or how about the recipe that calls for 14 ounces of chicken? Let's see, is that four chicken breasts? Or five or six and a half? Is that the cooked or uncooked weight? And when it calls for butter or margarine, is that softened or melted? Why can't they be more specific? I've thrown many a cookbook across my kitchen for less! And then there's The Evil Packaging Conspirators. These are the ones who provide that oversized bag of potato chips. You pay $4.29 for the super size bag, but if you break it down, that's $0.29 for chips, and $4.00 for air. The labeling explains that "contents may settle." I would imagine so, given the extra space for all five of those chips floating around in there. But the one that always sets me teeth on edge is the fancy zip-lock feature on bags of products such as grated cheese or frozen biscuits. Do not be fooled. These are not conveniences provided out of the goodness of someone's heart. We pay premium prices for such luxuries. But if I use the entire contents, I've paid for a luxury I don't even need. And if by chance I use only a partial bag, it never fails -- the zip-lock won't zip OR lock! In the greater scheme of things, I suppose none of this really matters. But I can't help wondering if the marketing gurus, restaurateurs, and recipe divas of this world don't garner some form of sadistic pleasure by our collective frustrations. Must admit, I have to agree with George Banks. GEORGE: Well, they're not ripping off this nit-wit anymore because I'm not paying for one more thing I don't need! George Banks is saying no! Click HERE to send Diane an email. She welcomes your comments and suggestions. She's Flying the Coop Blessed are the poor... Back to School It All Started With Eve It's Almost Here! Forget About Weapons of Mass Destruction - let’s Talk Hormones The Other "W" "If only I could..." "Put Down That Remote and Step Away From the TV!" Take This Job and Love It! As the Stomach turns! Pet Peeves Cue the Balloons! A Picture Perfect Thanksgiving 'Twas Two Months Before Christmas . . . Egg Nog & Popcorn The Importance of Making Christmas Memories Step Away from the Mistletoe! O Crystal Ball . . . 2003 Unplugged Geek is Chic! Mind Your Manners! Go "Figure" You’ve Gotta Laugh Reality Check A Parent’s Worst Nightmare Notice Me! It's Not About the Stuff |
Hit your BACK button to return to the POWERPAGE |