HelloFridays

From Beautiful Belleair Bluffs, Florida:
Hello Fridays attempts to get you to do two things: to think and to laugh, both of which are critical to your health and success in an ever-challenging world. Take a moment and ponder with your heart, and then turn around, kick back, and laugh until it hurts. You deserve the inspiration and the break! GOD BLESS.
NUMBER 28, 1998

TIME TO THINK

One of the problems in today's world is that we just don't have time to ponder, to think creatively, to meditate, or to develop a thought. I remember many years ago when I was a letter carrier. The job was hard work, particularly the summer, but it afforded me several hours each day to just think, to be creative. It is incredible what the mind can do when given a chance. Then you add in the spiritual dimension (meditating on God's Word day and night) and you really do start to get a renewed mind (Romans 12:2).

My family is off visiting relatives, and so I have found some time to think. I heard again today about another terrible crime where some kids are going to go to jail. I was kicking around in my mind why so many convicts come to know Christ in prison. It would be easy to say they are just trying to get a break on their sentence by being religious, but I believe there is more to it than that. Consider the following possibilities.

1) When you have done something so bad that it puts you behind bars, perhaps for the rest of your life, I believe you really contemplate forgiveness and its implications. Well, who is the greatest forgiver of all? These men and women in jail desperately need forgiveness and so they seek out God - the Master forgiver. Unfortunately for us on the outside, we tend to discount God's forgiveness, because we are not desperate enough for it. After all, things are good, we are free, comfortable, relatively happy, relatively protected, autonomous, affluent, free to choose our destiny. Yet the truth is we need forgiveness just as desperately as the most heinous mass murderer. Our autonomy is based on God's grace, we deserve the most severe punishment, but instead we get the grace of God. Don't wait until you are incarcerated by guilt, shame, pain, or self-condemnation to receive God's grace - it is sufficient.

2) I believe that convicts become more open to God because they have lost most of their self-sufficiency. They no longer can choose how they spend their time or their resources. They don't have the freedom to do as they please. So since they are limited in these areas by the penal system they are more willing to look for true freedom in God. The things we have and do, these so-called freedoms, can very easily become large chains around our neck - keeping us from living for God. The prisoner has the trappings of the world stripped away. We are encumbered by them. Why do we choose to be imprisoned by our stuff? I don't know for sure. Sometimes out of ignorance, or perhaps laziness, or maybe the wrong motives like pride, jealously, or malice. This I do know - the simpler we make our lives the more freedom we have. The less bills, the less worry -- the less toys, the less maintenance -- the less commitments, the less time away from what really matters -- the less entertainment, the more time for Godly pursuits.

The Apostle Paul did some of his best writing from inside a jail cell. Ponder this thought. "If all of the freedoms you cherish were all of a sudden limited, or taken away, how would that change your daily relationship with Christ? Try this: have yourself locked in a room for a half a day with only you and your Bible. No other intrusions, noises, interruptions, entertainment, distractions, or comforts. Two things will happen: 1) you will be uncomfortable and restless, and 2) you will meet God like you have not met Him in a long while. It just might set you free!

Now it's time to get SILLY

CORPORATE LINGO CLARIFICATION
(Sent in by Laurie Hale - Texas)

COMPETITIVE SALARY:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:
We have no time to train you and you'll have to introduce yourself to your co-workers.

SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE:
....who still live with their parents and won't mind our internship-level salaries.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear ear rings.

JOIN OUR DYNAMIC TEAM:
We all listen to nutty motivational tapes.

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:
We have no quality control.

COLLEGE DEGREE PREFERRED:
Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like Philosophy.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want, and then do it.

SMALL TRUTHS AND PONDERABLES
(Sent in by Chiqui Polo - Texas)

1. Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.

2. A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks. By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly.

3. Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

4. Don't worry about the world ending today... It's already tomorrow in Australia.

5. Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are.

6. Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

7. A single man usually feels better after a few winks, especially if she winks back.

8. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

9. A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two things: 1 - Women, 2 - Fractions.

10. The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it. If you can't ignore it, top it. If you can't top it, laugh at it. If you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved.

TEST: ARE YOU READY TO HAVE A BABY?
(From Bill Mock and Robert Story - Florida)

MESS TEST

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer. Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

GROCERY STORE TEST

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM.Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

PHYSICAL TEST

Obtain a large bean-bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT

Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their child's discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

THE LITTLE TURTLE
(Sent in by Cheryl Orr - Florida)

A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly. After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs frantically until he hits the ground with a hard knock on his shell.

After recovering consciousness, he starts to climb the tree again, jumps again, and falls with a thud on his shell again.

Determinedly the little turtle climbs again and again each time waving his little arms frantically and each time landing with a thud on his shell.

On a nearby branch, two birds had been watching wincing with pain each time the little turtle landed.

Finally the female bird says to the male: "dear, don't you think it's time to tell junior he is adopted"

FAMOUS DOG QUOTES
(From Laurie Hale - Texas)

"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear." -- Dave Barry

"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." -- Groucho Marx

"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs." -- Aldous Huxley

"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down." -- Robert Benchley

"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives." -- Sue Murphy

"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!" -- Anne Tyler

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult." -- Rita Rudner

"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money." -- Joe Weinstein

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." -- Ann Landers

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." -- Robert A. Heinlein

"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him." -- Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." -- Ben Williams

"When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem." -- Edward Abbey

"Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it." -- Unknown

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person." -- Andrew A. Rooney

See YA!!!!! For those of you viewing this on the OFFICIAL HF web page (not to be confused with all of the unsanctioned HF web pages out there), I want you to know that this was a labor of love. Fortunately, the work is done for the most part, and it can be easily updated for each new issue.

Please pass the word around about Hello Fridays - for two good reasons:

Firstly, I have been told repeatedly that in the busy work places of this world folks find HF to be a breath of encouragement and laughter. We all need a lift!

Secondly, it is helping get the word out about the HEDGEBUILDERS ministry. HEDGEBUILDERS is extremely important as we strive to protect the Christian homes of our world.

The Mustache Guy

As a matter of fact if you have your own web page, and list different links, please consider adding HEDGEBUILDERS at www.hedge.org. If you have banner ads on your site please e-mail me, and I will send you the HTML to add the HEDGEBUILDERS banner to your site. Any efforts along these lines will be deeply appreciated.

May God give you a great week, and remember His incredible forgiveness, and His desire for us to simplify our lives so that we can follow Him better. Ken

P.S. I have built in an Archives section below if you would like to read any of the previous issues.

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(Special note to new "Hello Fridays" recipients. "Hello Fridays" is a free, bi-monthly, e-mail publication (and now Web page) that I send out which includes inspiration and wit. It all started in February of 1997. You are receiving it because you either requested it, someone else put you on the recipient's list, it was forwarded to you, or through sheer dumb luck. If, for some unexplainable reason, you would like to discontinue receiving HF, you can e-mail me at Hello-Fridays@juno.com to let me know to remove you from future mailings. Also if you come across any neat stuff, either serious or funny, that you think would make a great addition to HF, please send it my way.)

I would love to hear from you at Hello-Fridays@juno.com