FROM BEAUTIFUL BELLEAIR BLUFFS, FLORIDA
LINKAGE
I think we forget sometimes how much God really loves
us and desires us to succeed. My memory verse this weeks is:
Proverbs 2:7 and 8
"He holds victory in store for the upright,
he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless,
for he guards the course of the just,
and protects the path of his faithful ones."
Wow!!!
He SHEILDS us. "Captain, we need more pow-wa,
our shields are failin', I don't know how much longa they can
hold." We often call up to God because our shields are indeed
failing. Those little humanly plans we have put together often
crack and fail. But God promises to be our shield IF…..
He GUARDS our course. "Though I walk through
the valley of the shadow of death…" I have been to the
actual valley that this verse refers to. It is a narrow passageway
through a deep ravine several miles long between Jerusalem and
Jericho. A person making this trip had to pass through this deep
valley. It was full of potential peril, from criminals or flash
floods. Many people perished there. But God promises to guard
our course IF…..
He PROTECTS our paths. God knows our steps before
we take them (Psalm 139). He knows the real intentions of our
heart. He protects our paths IF….
God will shield us, guard us, and protect us IF…
…WE ARE UPRIGHT, BLAMELESS, JUST, AND FAITHFUL.
We all expect God to do lots of stuff for us, and
He wants to, but He responds when we honor Him with our lives.
"You will call upon me and come and pray to
me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when
you seek me with all of your heart" (Jeremiah 29:12-13)
There is LINKAGE - we must live for God if we want to receive His blessings - this is the only way it works.
FROM THE SUBLIME TO THE SILLY
NEW DRUGS ORIENTED TOWARD IMPROVING THE PERFORMANCE
OF MEN IN TODAY'S SOCIETY (sent in by Laurie Hale, Texas)
DIRECTRA: A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips
caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost,
compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.
PROJECTRA: Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to
actually finish a household repair project before
starting a new one.
CHILDAGRA: Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to
perform more child-care tasks, especially cleaning up spills and little
accidents.
COMPLIMENTRA: In clinical trials, 82 percent of men administered this
drug noticed that their wives had a new hair style. Currently being tested to
see whether its effects extend to noticing new clothing.
NEGA-SPORTAGRA: This drug had the strange effect of making men want to
turn off televised sports and actually converse with
family members.
Now any of these truly would be a miracle of modern
medicine!
HOW TO TELL YOU'RE AN E-MAIL JUNKIE !!
(sent in by Chiqui Polo, Texas)
1. You wake up at 3 am to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on
the way back to bed.
2. You name your children Eudora, AOL and Dotcom.
3. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just
pulled the plug on a loved one.
4. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your
child in the overhead compartment.
5. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the
free Internet access.
6. You laugh at people with 14.4-baud modems.
7. You start using smileys in your snail mail.
8. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word
processor.com
9. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading..
10. You can't call your mother...she doesn't have
a modem.
11. You check your mail. It says "no new messages."
So you check it again.
12. You don't know what gender three of your closest friends are, because they
have neutral screen names and you never bothered
to ask.
13. You move into a new house and decide to Netscape
before you landscape.
14. You tell the cab driver you live at 1000.edison.garden/house/brick.html
15. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
THE KOOKY LANGUAGE OF ENGLISH
(sent in by Chrys Hambley, Florida)
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys
deranged, models deposed and dry cleaners depressed?
Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and
depleted! Even more, bedmakers will be debunked, baseball players
will be debased, landscapers will be deflowered, bulldozer operators
will be degraded, organ donors will be delivered, software engineers
will be detested, the BVD company will be debriefed, and even musical
composers will eventually decompose.
On a more positive note though, perhaps we can hope politicians will
be devoted.
THE FOLLOWING ARE NEW WINDOWS MESSAGES THAT ARE UNDER
CONSIDERATION FOR WINDOWS 98
(sent in by Dave Burris, Florida)
1.Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
2.Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
3.Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
4.Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
5.Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
6.Close your eyes and press escape three times.
7.Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
8.This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another
game?
9.Windows message: "Error saving file! Format
drive now? (Y/Y)"
10.This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log
off."
11.To "shut down" your system, type "WIN."
12.BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
13.COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder
and press any key.
14.CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C?
(Y/N)
15.File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
16.Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
17.Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
18.Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one?
(Y/N)
19.WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL
& PAPER.SYS)
20.User Error: Replace user.
21.Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove
it? (Y/N)"
22.Welcome to Microsoft's World - Your Mortgage is
Past Due...
23.If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and
all your future creations. Doesn't it feel nice to
have security?
24.Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles
have been deleted. The police are on the way.
FINAL WORD FROM KEN
Many of you have been praying for my family and I
as we have sought the Lord's perfect will for a family decision.
God is in the process of providing an answer - His answer. We
continue to seek Him and his will - thank you for your prayers.
Ken