Good Friday!

FROM BEAUTIFUL BELLEAIR BLUFFS, FLORIDA

THE HOLY TRANSFORMER

Romans 12:2 tells us to be transformed. I hit the Thesaurus button on my computer and here are some of the synonyms for the word transformed:

CHANGED - This one's easy to understand. When we turn our lives over to the lordship of Jesus all kinds of changes take place.

METAMORPHOSED (or "morphed") - You know what morphing is. It is when they take a photo or video and convert a person or object into something different right before your eyes. It's cool to watch. It is also a great picture of what should be happening to us. Right before people's eyes God should be changing us. This can be such an obvious change that other people literally say - Wow!

REMADE - I like this one. I need to be remade everyday, and boy am I glad that God can do it.

TRANSFIGURED - In the Bible Jesus tells his friends that some of them will actually see the "Kingdom of God" before they die. Then "boom" the next day he takes 3 of his disciples up on a hill and he becomes transfigured in an awesome show of God's glory. They were so amazed that they didn't tell anyone until after his death. Are we transformed to the point where people see a little bit of God's glory in us?!?

RECREATED - It is kind of like when we get saved God takes us apart piece by piece, but then reassembles us using the same pieces, and it all works a whole lot better.

I have no desire to be a legalist, a prude, or a monk, but by golly I'm supposed to be different. The Bible says I should feel like a stranger when it comes to worldly things.

Let me propose a little device I'll call the CONFORMITY CHECK. Next time you make a decision (whether it be a purchase, an option for entertainment, a social event to attend, how you choose to spend your free time), simply ask yourself this question:

"Am I Conforming or Transforming? Use the definitions above to clarify the answer. You will be amazed at what you discover.

"Do not be conformed any longer to the patterns of this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewing of you mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, His good, pleasing, and perfect will." Romans 12:1 & 2.

FROM THE SUBLIME TO THE SILLY

Less than Profound Thoughts

(Sent in by Len Heinrichs - Tulsa, OK)

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

If only the good die young,

what does that say about senior citizens?

Facts, although interesting, are usually irrelevant.

Is it OK to yell "MOVIE!" in a crowded Firehouse?

Gravity. It's not just a good idea, it's the law!

Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

It's bad luck to be superstitious.

Sooner or later, EVERYONE stops smoking.

STAR TREK on Novocain:

To poldly bow air mobius gumby four!

Most computer problems are caused by a

loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.

It may be that your sole purpose is to serve as a warning to others.

War doesn't determine who's right. Just who's left.

FUNNY STUFF

(From Melanie Hale - Romania)

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.

We have a strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.

Time is Nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.

I get plenty of exercise-jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.

Does vacuuming count as Aerobic Exercise?

I have not yet begun to procrastinate.

Sweat is nature's way of showing you your muscles are crying.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

WHY

(Sent in by John Locher - Tulsa, OK)

1. Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

2. Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

3. Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

4. If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

5. Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

6. Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

7. Why is the alphabet in that order?

8. If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the

universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

9. If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

(I've tried it, it doesn't work)

10. Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

11. Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

12. Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

13..If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

14. When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

15. Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is

open, it's not a door?

16. Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

FINAL WORD FROM KEN

I know all of the funny stuff is similar, but hey it's free so what are you complaining about. Ok, Ok, one regular joke for the road (see below). Have a great two weeks - Ken

JOKE FOR THE ROAD

(From Duane Williams in the Florida Panhandle)

A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness-a

grandmotherly, elderly woman--in a trial to the stand. He

Approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you

since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big

disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate

people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a

rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will

amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across

the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was

a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too,

has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a

drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone

and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes,

I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both

counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace,

"If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail for

contempt within 5 minutes!"