FROM BEAUTIFUL BELLEAIR BLUFFS, FLORIDA

SPINNING THE RIGHT PLATE

We all are familiar with the circus act where a man gets 10 or so plates spinning on top of wooden sticks. He then runs back a forth desperately trying to keep all of the plates aloft. You may even be familiar with the spiritual picture this paints. This is where we try to keep all of "our plates" (job, family, home, elderly parents, second job, kids from a previous marriage, church, your daily relationship with Christ, etc.) spinning. My Pastor, Charlie Martin, made a profound point about this illustration the other day. He said, "You just can't keep all of the plates spinning - that is by yourself. No matter how efficient you are with your time, no matter how well you plan, it is virtually impossible". He then said something that I consider so simple yet so profound. When you keep "your relationship with Christ spinning, Jesus helps you keep the rest of the plates going". BINGO!

I'm currently going through a new discipleship program here at Indian Rocks. The above truth is already revolutionizing my life. Now I'm no religious slouch. I have been a believer for over 30 years, I'm seminary trained, ordained, and have been in full time ministry for almost 14 years. Yet this simple truth had escaped me. My personal time with Jesus needs to come first over EVERYTHING. Now I have had quiet times for years, but I have kind of worked them into my busy schedule. If it wasn't convenient, it usually didn't get done. After all I was working hard, needed my rest and my exercise, and of course my family needed me, and then it was my day off, and on an on. But get this, Jesus not only desires but he deserves the best of me. Above my ministry? -yep, above my family? -yep, above everything.

So to get to the bottom line. I have re-prioritized. I now get up every morning (that's right 7 days a week) before my family does, and I spend about 20 minutes with Jesus. You know what, He is there waiting for me every morning. He never misses. Also I am finding it much easier to keep those plates spinning. As a matter of fact it is almost as if someone is spinning them for me. Imagine that!

I challenge you to try it for 30 days!

The above suggestion comes with a 30 day money back guarantee. If after a consistent, priority quiet time each day you do not see a dramatic improvement in your life, simply send me all of the money He has saved you during the trial period. No how can you beat that.

FROM THE SUBLIME TO THE SILLY

FOR YOU ESCHATOLOGY FREAKS (FROM CHIQUI POLO - HOUSTON, TEXAS)

1. Start with the given:

CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR

2. Change all U's to V's (which is proper Latin anyway)

CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR

3. Extract all the letters that are not Roman Numerals:

C V V L D I V

4. Convert these into Arabic values:

100 5 5 50 500 1 5

5. Add these numbers up:

666

There you have it, proof that Barney is the Antichrist! Please

pass this truth on to every prophecy student you know. It is imperative that we get the word out before it's too late!

CLUBS TO JOIN (SENT IN BY JOHN LOCHER - TULSA, OKLAHOMA )

The Yoko Club? Oh no.

The German philosophy club? I. Kant.

The Ford-Nixon club? Pardon me?

The Arafat club? Yessir.

The Procrastinator's Club? Maybe next week

The Self Esteem Builders? They wouldn't accept me anyway

The Prayer Group? God willing!

The Alzheimer's club? Forget it.

The anti-perspirant club? Sure.

The pregnancy club? Conceivably.

The Agoraphobics Society? Only if they meet at my house

The Co-Dependence Club? Can I bring a friend?

The Siskel & Ebert movie club? Roger.

The quarterback club? I'll pass.

The Spanish optometrists club? Si.

The Groucho Marx club? You bet your life.

The Peter Pan club? Never. Never.

DARWIN AWARDS (FROM MELANIE HALE - ROMANIA)

Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank's video camera. While it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.)

Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled-leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?)

Seattle : When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Newark : A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone, and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.

Ann Arbor : The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The

man, frustrated, walked away.

Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.

SOME FUNNY QUESTIONS (FROM DON LEHRIAN - SEMINOLE, FLORIDA)

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars, and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint, and he has to touch it.

How come SUPERMAN could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

Why does SOUR CREAM have an Expiration date?

IF "Con" is the Opposite of "Pro"....then what is the opposite of PROGRESS?

Why is LEMON JUICE mostly artificial ingredients.... but DISH WASHING LIQUID contains real lemons?

How much deeper would the ocean be, if SPONGES didn't grow in it?

Why do we put SUITS in a Garment Bag, and put Garments in a Suitcase?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?

What's another word for synonym?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

FINALLY MY FAVORITE JOKE OF THE WEEK (FROM DUANE WILLIAMS -FLORIDA PANHANDLE)

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

LAST WORD FROM KEN

My wife Diane didn't think that joke was very funny. Humor aside take the 30 day quiet time test and then e-mail me with your victories. God bless and have a great week. Ken