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Hello Fridays attempts to get you to do two things: to think and to laugh, both of which are critical to your health and success in an ever-challenging world. Take a moment and ponder with your heart, and then turn around, kick back, and laugh until it hurts. You deserve the inspiration and the break! GOD BLESS. NUMBER 31 |
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SUCCESS
Being a citizen of the United States is one of the greatest privileges that anyone could every hope for. For those of us born here we are indeed blessed. But as with all things, there is another side to the story. The U.S. has set the world standard in almost all categories. With few exceptions, as a country we have had an unbroken string of success for over 200 years. We continue to be the only world leader. Every other country wants to be like us. You might say we have been successful - the American way. And therein lies the problem. We have come to equate the American way as always being the right way. But it is just not true in every instance. For Christians this creates a major dilemma. Most believers don't even realize that a problem exists. It is this contradiction between the American success paradigm and the Biblical paradigm that could well be the single biggest problem of the American church and believer. Simply stated, we judge the effectiveness of our faith and our Christian institutions based on the American success ethic. But what is the American success ethic and how does it relate to a Biblical worldview? (You may be murmuring that I have been reading too many George Will and Cal Thomas columns, but hear me out.) In America success basically means winning, being the best at what you do, overcoming long odds to succeed, being the biggest, being the strongest, being the wealthiest, being the smartest. All of our education and business institutions are driven by this philosophy. So what's the problem?!? The problem is that as believers we have fallen into the trap of evaluating the effectiveness of our faith by American success standards. We ask ourselves the questions "how many times have I gone to church this week?" "How many folks have I led to Christ this year?" "How many days have I read my Bible this month?" And then we compare our numbers against other believers and we rate our success as a Christian. Biblical Christianity does not work that way. God calls us to obedience -- not to success, not to numbers, not to comparisons. The first time you compare your faith and its manifestations again someone else, you have blown it. God wants you to be overwhelmed by His grace, one day at a time, to be obedient to what he lays on your heart for that day. It might be only a smile to lift the spirit of a downtrodden soul, or it could mean leaving your goals and dreams and following Him to the jungles of Africa. That is the adventure of our faith. It has nothing to do with man's evaluation! Learn to live the freedom and the joy of a Biblical life. Do not beat yourself up based on someone else's expectations of what you should be doing. 'Seek God and His kingdom and all the necessary things of this world will be given to you also." (Matthew 6:33). Remember -- pleasing God has nothing to do with your station in live or society. It has everything to do with seeking God one day at a time and pursuing His version of success! |
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SLEEPING AND PRAYING (sent in by Carlos LeClair - Florida) A Baptist minister dies and is waiting in line at the entrance to heaven. Just ahead of him is a guy who is dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses the man in jeans and says. "Who are you, sir, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" The man in the leather jacket replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver from Noo Yawk City." Saint Peter consults his list. Then he looks at the taxi driver and smiles saying, "My son, take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his silk robe and golden staff, and it's the Baptist minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of the First Baptist Church for the last forty-three years." Saint Peter consults his list, then he says solemnly to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." "Just a minute," says the minister. "That man ahead of me was a taxi-driver and he got a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?" Saint Peter replied, "Up here in heaven it is results that count. While you preached, people slept; but while that man drove, people prayed. |
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MORRIS
>/td> (sent in by Laurie Hale - Texas) Morris, a Russian man saves his rubles for twenty years to buy a new car. After choosing the model and options he wants, he's not the least bit surprised or even concerned to learn that it will take two years for the new car to be delivered. He thanks the salesman and starts to leave, but as he reaches the door he pauses and turns back to the salesman "Do you know which week two years from now the new car will arrive?" he asks. The salesman checks his notes and tells the man that it will be two years to the exact week. The man thanks the salesman and starts out again, but upon reaching the door, he turns back again. "Could you possibly tell me what day of the week two years from now the car will arrive?" The salesman, mildly annoyed, checks his notes again and says that it will be exactly two years from this week, on Thursday. Morris thanks the salesman and once again starts to leave. Halfway though the door, he hesitates, turns back, and walks up to the salesman. "I'm sorry to be so much trouble, but do you know if that will be two years from now on Thursday in the morning, or in the afternoon?" Visibly irritated, the salesman flips through his papers yet another time and says sharply that it will be in the afternoon, two years from now on Thursday. "That's a relief !" says Morris. "The plumber is coming that morning!" |
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JOE THE BARBER
>/td> (sent in by Laurie Hale - Texas) A man walked into Joe's barber shop for his regular haircut. As he snips away, Joe asks, "What's up?" The man explains he's taking a vacation to Rome. "ROME?" Joe says. "Why would you want to go there? It's a crowded, dirty city full of Italians! You'd be crazy to go to Rome! So how ya gettin' there?" The man replied, "We're taking TWA." "TWA!!!!" yells Joe. "They're a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late! So where you staying in Rome?" "We'll be at the downtown International Marriott." "That DUMP!!!!!!?" says Joe. "That's the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and slow and they're overpriced. So whatcha doing when you get there?" The man says, "We're going to see the Vatican and hope to see the Pope." "HA, that's rich!" laughs Joe. "You and a million other people trying to see him. he'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on THAT trip! You're going to need it." A month later the man comes in for his regular haircut. Joe says, "Well, how did that trip to Rome turn out? Betcha TWA gave you the worst flight of your life?" "No, quite the opposite" explained the man. "Not only were we on time in one of their brand new planes, but it was full and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful and I had a beautiful 28 year old flight attendant who waited on me hand and foot." "Hmmmmm" Joe says, "Well, I bet the hotel was just like I described!" "No, quite the opposite. They'd jus finished a $25 million remodeling job. It's the finest hotel in Rome now. They were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the Presidential suite at no extra charge!" "Well" Joe mumbled, "I KNOW you didn't get to see the Pope!" "Actually we were quite lucky. As we toured the Vatican, a Swiss guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into this private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, 5 minutes later the Pope walked through the door, shook my hand and I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me!" Impressed, Joe asks, "Tell me, please. What did he say?" "Where'd you get that awful haircut?" |
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TEN SIGNS THAT YOU'RE BROKE
>/td> (sent in by Daryl Renshaw - Florida) 10. You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe Lincoln. 9. Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking 7 deep breaths outside a restaurant. 8. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!" 7. Long distance companies don't call you to switch anymore. 6. McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments. 5. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change. 4. At communion you go back for seconds. 3. Sally Struthers sends you food. 2. You rob Peter--and then rob Paul. 1. Your bologna has no first name. |
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HYMNS
>/td> (sent in by Chiqui Polo - Texas) THE TV WEATHERMAN'S HYMN...THERE SHALL BE SHOWERS OF BLESSINGS THE DENTIST'S HYMN.........................CROWN HIM WITH MANY BLESSINGS THE CONTRACTOR'S HYMN...............THE CHURCH'S ONE FOUNDATION THE TAILOR'S HYMN..........................HOLY, HOLY, HOLY THE POLITICIAN'S HYMN..................STANDING ON THE PROMISES THE OPTOMETRIST'S HYMN..............OPEN MY EYES, THAT I MAY SEE THE IRS HYMN...................................ALL TO THEE THE GOSSIP'S HYMN...........................PASS IT ON THE ELECTRICIAN'S HYMN................SEND THE LIGHT THE SHOPPER'S HYMN......................SWEET BY AND BY IF YOU MUST TRAVEL ON THE HIGHWAY(sing these hymns loudly) at 45 mph............................GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF ME at 55...................................GUIDE ME, O GREAT JEHOVAH at 65...................................NEARER MY GOD TO THEE at 75...................................NEARER STILL NEARER at 85...................................THIS WORLD IS NOT MY HOME at 95....................................LORD. I'M COMING HOME at 100.................................PRECIOUS MEMORIES |
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HOW TO GIVE THE BAD NEWS
>/td> (sent in by John Locher - Oklahoma) Phil goes to Europe and leaves his favorite dog with his brother James. While in Europe, Phil calls James to check on his dog and asks: "so James, how's my favorite dog doing??" and James very tersely says, "Your dog is dead" " "What??" says Phil "you can't just tell someone their favorite dog is dead without a warning, you have to ease them into it." "How?" says James. "Well, the first day I call, tell me my dog is on the roof," remarked Phil. "Tell me the dog is going to be fine and not to worry. "The next day, when I call to ask about my dog, tell me that you were about to get her down, when it jumped off of the roof and broke its leg, tell me the doctors say it will be ok, but it will have to stay at the vets for a while. Are you getting all of this???" "Yes," says James. "Good," remarks Phil. "Then the next day when I call back, tell me that there was severe internal bleeding that the vet didn't pick up and that my favorite dog died at 2:00 this morning. That way it won't be such a shock to me. Got it??" "Yes." "Good, so, how's Grandma doing?" asks Phil. "Well ..." James replies, "she's on the roof."
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9-11-98 Take Stock 8-21-98 Neither Poverty or Riches 7-31-98 One Day at a Time 7-10-98 Time to Think 6-28-98 God's Hedge 6-13-98 Psalm 1:1-3 5-28-98 Psalm 2:7-8 5-11-98 Phillipians 4:6-7 4-24-98 Feed My Sheep 4-10-98 The Holy Transformer 3-26-98 Matthew 5:8 3-6-98 It's Hard to Believe 2-20-98 Action Items 2-6-98 Spinning the Right Plate 1-15-98 The Lion's Den 12-31-97 1998 12-19-97 Merry Christmas 10-31-97 Hedonism 10-17-97 The Kings of Judah 4:6-7 9-26-97 God's Permissive Will 9-12-97 Benefits 8-22-97 Wisdom 8-1-97 Never Tire 7-25-97 Let's Get Personal 7-3-97 Food for Thought 6-20-97 Attitude 6-5-97 What is Evangelism? 5-23-97 So Here We Go 5-9-97 In Increasing Measure 4-3-97 Proverbs 3 2-19-97 Spiritual Exercise |