Don't touch that delete button. Somewhere hidden in the text of this publication are the winning numbers for the Florida Lottery. READ EVERY WORD VERY CAREFULLY - you are already a winner. …..

Don't you just hate hype. One of my least favorite things is listening to phone solicitors. I've perfected the art of saying no quickly, but politely, in about the time it takes to put the phone back on the hook. Yet the calls keep coming. Some of the salespeople are relentless. There was one outfit when I used to live in Naples, Florida that would stalk you by phone. Somehow when you moved they found you. No matter how you said no they would continue to call back night after night. One man couldn't take it any more - one evening he waited and when the phone rang he picked it up put a revolver to the mouth piece and shouted - if you call me again I'm going shoot you right through the phone lines. Imagine how shocked he was when he discovered the person who had called was actually his mother-in-law (just kidding of course).

I actually have a deep respect for phone solicitors, particularly the ones who stay with it for years.

I have been reading 2 Thessalonians this month. In verse 13 of chapter 3 Paul encourages the fine folks of Thessalonica to "NEVER TIRE of doing what is right".

I don't know about you but sometimes I just grow weary. Weary of being nice, weary of being a servant, weary of talking to people, weary, weary, weary. Just like the man who told his wife, "I'm not going to church this morning." And when his wife asked "why not??' He replied "for two reasons," I don't like those people, and they don't like me" To which she responded, " BUT DEAR, YOU'RE THE PASTOR".

But the Apostle Paul says "Never tire….."

Weariness can lead us to do things that we never intended to do. I sure don't want to become like King Solomon who was the wisest man who ever lived, but who turned away from God in his older years and followed idols.

Well, what's the answer. It is really quite simple. We have to quit focusing on the work and focus instead on the One we are working for. King David (1 Samuel 30) after a time of overwhelming discouragement got alone with God and was encouraged (he refocused). He then returned and led his men to a great victory.

So shed the shackles of weariness and receive these words from our Lord "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28-29

FROM THE SUBLIME TO THE SILLY

(This entry from Jerry Violette)

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says: "the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars".

"Why, does the parrot cost so much" asks the first man. The owner says "Well the parrot knows how to use a computer".

The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.

Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question "What can it do?" To which the owner replies "to be honest I have never seen it do a thing but the other two call him boss!".

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FROM AN ENGLISH PROFESSOR:

(This assignment was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca <last name deleted> and Gary <last name deleted>)

English 44A

SMU

Creative Writing

Prof. Miller

In-class Assignment for Wednesday

Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.

THE STORY:

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about

him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question.

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one day over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar

orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"

Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth -- when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.

The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left

Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. A lithium fusion

missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty!

Let's blow'em out of the sky!"

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered, tedious, neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.

The end..........

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For the golfers in e-mail land

(sent in by Larry Barnes)

LAWS OF GOLF

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.

LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.

LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.

LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.

LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.

LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?

LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.

LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS

agent -- or some similar combination.

LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.

LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (see Law three)

LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."

LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.

LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset of the same day.

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ATTENTION DOG LOVERS

(From Melanie Hale in Romania)

We all know that mixed breeds can make excellent Frisbee dogs. Here are some mixes you may or may not see at the World Finals.

Pekinese + Lhasa Apso = PEEKASSO, an abstract dog.

Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = PYRADACHS, a puzzling

breed.

Pekinese + Dachshund - PEKING DACH, owned by Chinese

restaurateurs.

Kerry Blue Terrier + Bloodhound - BLUEBLOOD, a favorite

of high society.

Poodle + Great Pyrnees = POOPYREE, a dog that smells

good.

Pointer + Setter = POINTSETTER, a traditional Christmas

pet.

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = IRISH

SPRINGER, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle.

Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier = BLUE SKYE, a dog for

optimists.

Smooth Fox Terrier + Chow Chow = SMOOCH, a dog who

loves to kiss.

Airedale + Spaniel = ARIEL, a dog that brings in good TV

reception.

Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = LAB COAT

RETRIEVER, the choice for research scientists.

Newfoundland + Basset Hound = NEWFOUND ASSET

HOUND, a dog for financial advisors.

Terrier + Bulldog = TERRIBULL, a dog that always makes

mistakes.

Keeshound + Setter = KEESTER, you can't get this dog off

it's duff.

Bloodhound + Labrador = BLABADOR, a dog that barks a

lot.

Chihuahua + Whippet = CHIAPET, order from TV ad, 3 for

$19.95.

Boxer + German Shorthaired Pointer = BOXER SHORTS, a

dog never seen in public.

Basenji + Schipperke = BASERKE, a dog that's mad about

it's owner.

Malamute + Pointer = MOOT POINT, owned by .....oh well,

it doesn't matter anyway.

Collie + Malamute = COMMUTE, a dog that lives on the

subway.

Deerhound + Terrier = DERRIERE, a dog that's true to the

end.

Bloodhound + Labrador = BLOODLAB, another dog for

research scientists.

FINAL WORD FROM KEN

I hope you enjoyed the variety in this issue. There is something here for everyone. Special thanks to all of the people who keep sending me all of this funny stuff. I really enjoy reading your contributions. Also please feel free to forward any or all of Hello Fridays to friends and family. I regularly here from folks who have read HF after it has been forwarded to them. God bless and have a great two weeks, and don't grow weary in doing what's right!! Ken