Hello -Hellloooo (da de dum dum) Fridaaaaaaays (de
dum dum de de) When you need a lift - it's better than a gift
(da de de dum dum) Hello -Hellloooo (da de dum dum) Fridaaaaaaays
(de dumdum de de) So welcome to today - the best is on the way
(de da dum dum de) ………..
Well, how did you like my new theme song?!? You ought
to see the video!
Anyway, welcome back to Hello Fridays. It has been
a very busy summer - oh, you too. Well, let me start us off with
a thought from James chapter 3 and then I'll see what the HUMOR
CHEST has to offer.
WISDOM
James talks about two kinds of wisdom. There is the
wisdom from God and the wisdom from the world. Sometimes it is
hard to tell the difference, particularly here in America.
James helps us out:
"But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first
of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full
of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." James 3:17
Check your life against these standards:
Purity
Peace-loving
Considerate
Submissive
Merciful
Good fruit bearing
Impartiality
Sincerity
The pay off is a "harvest of righteousness" (v.18).
We need to constantly evaluate our lives against
the standards of God's word. It is the only way we will know if
we are on the right track. Remember what Kind David said - "God's
standards are a light on my path" And remember when you stay
on the path - God's path - there is safety, purpose, and joy!!!!
FROM THE SUBLIME TO THE SILLY
These funny sniglets were sent in by Eric Kriby
1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing
the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
2. CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The
act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint
at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining
it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the
piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming
this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.
4. ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people
maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that
refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person
across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep
it under the rug.
6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n.
Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container
so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
7. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy
restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking
diners if they want ground pepper.
8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing
a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they
answer.
9. PUPKUS (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on
a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n.
The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before
you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
FOR YOU COMPUTER GEEKS
(sent in by Jerry Violette)
Jack was a COBOL programmer in the mid- to late 1990s. For years he was treated as a technological dinosaur by all the UNIX programmers and web site developers, but now Jack was finally getting some respect. He'd become a private
consultant specializing in Year 2000 conversions.
He was working short-term assignments for prestige companies,
traveling all over the world on different assignments. He was
working 70 and 80 and even 90 hour weeks.
Several years of this relentless, mind-numbing work
had taken its toll on Jack. He had problems sleeping and began
having anxiety dreams about the Year 2000. It had reached a point
where even the thought of the year 2000 made him nearly violent
and now all he could think about was how he could avoid the year
2000 and all that came with it.
Jack contacted a company that specialized in cryogenics.
He made a deal to have himself frozen until March 15th, 2000.
This was a very expensive process but totally automated. He was
thrilled. The next thing he would know is he'd wake up in the
year 2000; after the phony New Year celebrations and computer
debacles; after the leap day. Nothing else to worry about except
getting on with his life.
He was put into his cryogenic receptacle, the technicians
set the revive date, he was given injections to slow his heartbeat
to a bare minimum, and that was that.
The next thing that Jack saw was an enormous and very modern room filled with excited people. They were all shouting "I can't believe it!" and "It's a miracle" and "He's alive!". There were cameras (unlike any he'd ever seen) and equipment that looked like it came out of a science fiction movie. Someone who was obviously a spokesperson
for the group stepped forward. Jack couldn't contain his enthusiasm. "It is over?" he asked. "Is 2000 already here? Are all the millennial parties and promotions and crises all over and done with?" The spokesman explained that there had been a problem with the programming of the timer on Jack's cryogenic receptacle, it hadn't been year 2000 compliant. It was actually eight thousand years later, not the year
2000. But the spokesman told Jack that he shouldn't
get excited; someone important wanted to speak to him.
Suddenly a wall-sized projection screen displayed the image of a man that looked very much like Bill Gates. This man was Prime Minister of Earth. He told Jack not to be upset. That this was a wonderful time to be alive. That there was world peace and no more starvation. That the space program had been reinstated and there were colonies on the moon and on Mars. That technology had advanced to such a degree that
everyone had virtual reality interfaces which allowed
them to contact anyone else on the planet, or to watch any entertainment,
or to hear any music recorded anywhere.
"That sounds terrific," said Jack. "But
I'm curious. Why is everybody so interested in me?"
"Well," said the Prime Minister. "The
year 10000 is just around the corner, and it says in your files
that you know COBOL".
BACK TO SCHOOL
With the kids going back to school I thought you
might enjoy this serious thought on parenting.
A PARENT'S PRAYER
by Dr. Gary C. Myers
Oh, heavenly Father, make me a better parent. Help
me to understand my children, to listen patiently to what they
have to say and to answer all their questions kindly. Keep me
from interrupting them, talking back to them and contradicting
them. Make me as courteous to them as I would have them be to
me. Give me the courage to confess my sins against my children
and ask their forgiveness when I know that I have done wrong.
May I not vainly hurt the feelings of my children.
Forbid that I should laugh at their mistakes, or resort to shame
and ridicule as punishment. Let me not tempt a child to lie or
steal. So guide me hour by hour that I may demonstrate by all
I say and do that honesty produces happiness.
Reduce, I pray, the meanness in me. May I cease to
nag, and when I am out of sorts, help me, Oh Lord, to hold my
tongue. Blind me to the little errors of my children and help
me to see the good things that they do. Give me a ready word for
honest praise.
Help me treat my children as those of their own age,
but let me not exact of them the judgments and conventions of
adults. Allow me not to rob them of the opportunity to wait upon
themselves, to think, to choose, and to make their own decisions.
Forbid that I should ever punish them for my selfish satisfaction. May I grant them all their wishes that are reasonable and have the courage always to withhold a privilege which I know will do them harm. Make me so fair and just, so considerate and companionable to my children that they will have genuine esteem for me. Fit me to be
loved and imitated by my children. With all thy gifts,
give me calmness, poise, and self-control.
FINAL WORD FROM KEN
As a person and as a parent I seek to be as wise as I can be. Of course I want Godly wisdom. James says ask for it and he will give it. We need all the wisdom we can get. I challenge you to seek the wisdom of God for your life and your family.
Try reading James this week!
Ken